You May Have Missed the Firsts, but as They Say, Save the Best for Last

I am an optimistic stepmom, but I used to be bothered by the fact, that I missed out on all of my husband’s firsts. I couldn’t be his first wedding, first marriage, first wife, buy our first house together, and have our first babies together. A mindset shift was necessary.

My husband’s ex once told me that she believes I am “threatened by her” and “jealous of her”. Although I didn’t agree with these statements, they forced me to take a look inside and self-reflect. What I discovered was eye opening.

I realized I am not jealous of his ex, but I am jealous she took some of my husband’s firsts. I felt his firsts should be experienced with me, his true love.

His first home was bought with her. 

His first engagement was with her.

His first wedding was with her. 

His first baby was with her. 

His first honeymoon was with her. 

All of these thoughts initially made me feel sad. I wanted to have all his firsts and it didn’t feel fair. Sadly, that wasn’t the reality.

I had to grieve the loss of not being there for all of his firsts. I had to shift my thinking from having all his firsts, to being blessed I get to have all of his lasts. The best part is, he gets to be all of my firsts.

I got to have my dream engagement. My first engagement, his last.

We had our dream wedding. My first wedding, his last. 

We have a happy, healthy marriage. My first marriage, his last. 

We are taking our honeymoon this summer. My first honeymoon, his last. 

I get to be his last kiss and he gets to be my last kiss. 

We’ve been revamping our home to make it our style and fit our personalities. In the future, we will have the chance to buy a home together. My first home, his last home. 

We will be having a baby soon. Although he has two beautiful children, we will make a beautiful baby of our own and grow our family. My first baby, his last addition(s) to our family. 

I had to grieve the loss of not getting all of his firsts. On the contrary, realizing his divorce with his ex-wife was also a first, I knew the title of “first” certainly isn’t best. As soon as I shifted my mindset, I could focus on the blessing of him getting all of my firsts, and me getting all of his lasts.

Grief can be common in second marriages. You have to grieve the loss of the fantasy of getting all of each other’s firsts together. Just remember, as a team, you will get to have all of your firsts together.

Charles Dickens once said, “A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man.” In this case, the saying holds true, “save the best for last.”

-The Happy I Came in Last Stepmom

Sign up here for a Free Clarity Session with Nicole, where she will work to understand your situation, help you get clear on what you want as a stepparent, and give recommendations on a plan that would help you the most.

  1. This was beautiful and brought me to tears. I just have to reblog this. Thank you for these words that spoke right to my heart ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Reblogged this on Not the Average Mama and commented:
    These words spoke right to my heart and brought tears streaming down my face. Beautifully written Stepmomincognito ❤

    Like

    Reply

  3. What a great way to think of things. I really need to work on shifting my mindset on this one too. Sometimes it is tough to not feel second best. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. It is not easy! It takes time, but the benefits are worth it.

      Like

      Reply

  4. Beautiful. Simply beautiful 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  5. When you get married for the second time (for both of you), it can be very hard to find firsts. However Paul and I have worked together over the last 5 years to find things that we were, will be and our each others firsts for. In the beginning I used to say to him, I feel like I missed out on so much time loving you. He would always tell me that we wouldn’t have been ready to love each other before then! And he was right. It doesn’t matter that we weren’t there for all the firsts, there are so many more yet to come!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: