Have you ever looked yourself in the mirror and thought, what is going on? What am I becoming?
I started looking at a version of myself that I didn’t recognize. Have you ever felt outraged over someone else’s behavior? Have you ever held onto anger that made you feel bitter inside? That was becoming too common and I knew it was time for a change.
Learning about energies has been essential in my process of letting go. A mentor of mine introduced me to a powerful exercise of honoring your feelings to release that energy as well as focus on your breathing. He created a human energy “decoder” which connects emotions to energies. An example is feeling pissed off, which is an anger energy. Identifying your emotion allows you to release the energy in a healthy way.
I went through a powerful exercise of letting go. I regained control of my power and let go of anger, frustrations and resentment. These emotions were in the driver’s seat and I was no longer in control. I wasn’t okay with that. I’m normally a happy, positive, loving, out-going person, but I started to notice more and more anger creep it’s way into my energy. I started utilizing our punching bag a lot more while blasting Drowning Pool. This was a new side to me, I wasn’t crazy about and I wanted to restore the real me. I knew I had to take action.
I wrote a letter, with no intention of sending it, but writing the letter itself released the anger connected to challenges I’ve endured on my journey as well as the impact of abusive people. The letter addressed the many instances where I felt drama was caused, temper tantrums were had, and conflict was created. I addressed an instance and then connected it to how I felt, therefore releasing the energy.
For example: When you said, “let me guess you’re going to do the immature thing and blame others for it being exposed. You’re a great fit to the family,” I felt insulted.
Sounds unnatural, but it was an effective technique.
The letter turned out to be five pages long. My husband and I drove to a spot that is meaningful to us. I read the letter out loud and then I burned it. I watched each ember turn to ash and then disappear to nothing.
The last line read: So sianara, adios, f*#k off, and goodbye! Today is the day your power dies.
It was a very cathartic experience for me. I finally let go of those negative emotions and I took my power back.
I learned I had the power all along and I was always in control.
Now I choose not to have negativity, complaining, whining, temper tantrums, and attacks infect my energy.
I have the power to be the happy, positive, loving, out-going person I’ve always been.
I’m back in the driver’s seat.
-The Regaining Control Stepmom
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