Have you ever had a shouldy week where you feel sorry for yourself and even throw a pity party?
Those weeks can be rough. It’s hard to admit, but that negative energy can make things escalate from bad to worse.
Being in the stepmom role, can take the strongest woman and throw her onto a rollercoaster of emotions. Stepmoms don’t need you to feel sorry for them and throw them a pity party too, but the reality is that it’s a complex role.
Even though the role is complex, there are ways we make it worse for ourselves. Thinking of the shoulds only continues the cycle of negative thinking and negative energy.
Do you ever have thoughts like, I shouldn’t have to deal with these things?
- I should be protected.
- They shouldn’t respond.
- They should move on.
- They shouldn’t pawn off the kids.
- They should be grateful.
- They shouldn’t assume.
- I should feel peace.
- I should be appreciated.
The shoulds are dangerous because they prevent us from accepting reality and keep us in a cycle of negative energy.
Instead of having a shouldy week, it’s helpful to shift your thinking by using substitute statements:
1. I will allow… or I will not allow…
Shift from “they shouldn’t pawn off their kids on others” to “I will not allow them pawning off the kids on their time to upset me or take away from our bonding time as a family.”
2. I would like it if…
Shift from “they shouldn’t respond to their abusive communication” to “I would like it if they didn’t respond to the abusive communication.”
3. It would be easier if…
Shift from “I should feel appreciated” to “it would be easier if I felt appreciated.”
4. I would prefer…
Shift from “I should feel peace” to “I would prefer feeling peace.”
5. It would be nice… or It would be helpful…
Shift from “they should move on” to “it would be nice if they finally moved on.”
The shoulds create a vicious cycle which isn’t helpful in your day to day thinking. Living with shouldy thinking creates anger, anxiety, resentment, and negative energy. Making a small shift in your thinking can positively impact your feelings and energy.
Shifting your thinking and energy can force you to end the pity party and get over your shouldy week.
-The Shifting My Energy Stepmom
Sign up here for a Free Clarity Session with Nicole, where she will work to understand your situation, help you get clear on what you want as a stepparent, and give recommendations on a plan that would help you the most.