Don’t Feed the Beast! Protecting Your Marriage from High-Conflict Behavior

Once upon a time a young woman met a King. The minute their eyes met, the world stopped, magic happened, and they fell in love. As they joined each other in matrimonial union, they created a family. Happy in love they felt united and strong.

But as they became a united front, they were approached by high-conflict situations which tested them. They defined these situations as a Beast in their lives. The Beast symbolized negativity and challenging behaviors they endured, such as: criticisms, high-conflict attacks, explosions, insults, bullying, accusations, threats, and disrespect.

The Beast tried to create darkness in the lives of the happy couple. They learned that the Beast needed a constant “supply” in order to continue its darkness. When supplies became scarce the Beast would lose its food and therefore lose its power and control.

The Beast was determined to fill its supply in order to regain strength. It devised a plan. The Beast set off to approach the King and Queen. The Beast knocked on the castle door and the King and Queen answered together. The Beast attempted to suck them into arguing and conflict. But the King and Queen wouldn’t engage in such behaviors. This enraged the Beast, which caused it to bark demands, spew insults, and roar loudly. The Beast threatened the King and Queen. The Beast then tried a new tactic of claiming it wanted peace but after years of highconflict behaviors, the King and Queen knew better.

The King and Queen knew not to feed the Beast because in doing so, it only made the negative behaviors continue. They knew that not engaging in conflict, would help decrease the volume of negativity they had to endure.

The King’s mission has always been to protect his Queen and their family. He could see the power the Beast would gain from each insult and blow. The King told the Beast to go elsewhere for he and his Queen would not engage in battle. He put his sword away, took his Queen’s hand, and they walked deep into the castle together far away from the Beast.

Together the King and Queen learned how to insulate themselves and protect their fortress. They learned how to handle the high-conflict situations they were in. It became their mission to not feed the Beast.

The King and Queen gained knowledge and returned to being happy in love, feeling united and strong.

There can be many Beasts throughout life. Beasts can represent any struggle, including: negativity, high-conflict behavior, emotionally abusive behavior, bullying, enabling behavior, addiction, and many more. No matter what “Beast” you have in your life, remember, don’t feed the beast!

-The Not Feeding Any Beasts Stepmom

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  1. Well written! Definitely can relate to a high conflict Coparent. Not engaging with them and focusing on your step-family, does make a huge difference.

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  2. As a Bonus Mom, one of the hardest jobs is to keep positive when all you feel, see or hear is negative from on all sides. This blog shows the positive sides to being a bonus parent and how we can be a positive support system for our significant other in whatever “beasts” we face. We choose love daily when most times what we get in return is disrespect, hurt and ignorance. Even when it isn’t an ex, or a child, we face being torn down by society, other women, movies ect. Our roles are often viewed as less than, dismissable, and we are often easy targets of hateful, snide and condescending behavior. Thank you for your transparent honesty and choosing to be POSITIVE role model in an often negatively viewed role! YOU MATTER TOO!

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  3. Absolutely love this! I’m a bonus mom in a very similar situation. Our “beast” wears so many masks and tends to appear in many forms as well. I often feel like she is 2 face from Batman.
    But I love how your beast could apply to so many things, financial struggles, behavior issues, the list goes on! Thank you for writing this. It’s uplifting and encouraging, and I truly appreciate an honest perspective on what is a difficult and trying situation!

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    1. Thank you for your feedback. People have many different “beasts” to contend with in their lives but at least we know we aren’t alone.

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