Dear Stepmom Warrior: How can you get over the resentment? I chose this man and he was a package deal, so I own my choice, but I didn’t expect to feel so frustrated over sharing my house, my money, my time, my husband, not to mention giving up the notion of peace for many years because of Bio-Mom’s BS. All of this without a true say in my stepchild’s life. I am asked my opinion by DH but it is always disregarded in the face of BM’s mandates. ~Building Resentment
Dear Building Resentment: First off, I commend you. This stepmom role is incredibly tough and you must be a strong woman to handle it.
In stepfamily life we are inundated with strong feelings and energies like resentment, anxiety, and anger. There are many factors we cannot control in our stepfamily life and we wish we could. As angry as we can get, accepting the fact that you don’t have control over everything will allow you to work on achieving peace. The best part is that everything you need to do this is already inside of you.
There isn’t a simple fix to such complicated feelings and scenarios, but there are things you can do to try to decrease the feelings of resentment.
1. Release: As Madonna said, “Express Yourself.” Expressing your feelings verbally will allow you the chance to release some of the energy connected to them.
“I’m feeling pissed off!”
“I’m feeling really disappointed.”
Find other ways to release your energy too. Writing can be very therapeutic in expressing yourself. You can journal when you are overwhelmed with these feelings or just journal to creatively express yourself. It gives you an opportunity to release and express this energy.
What other things will allow you to release your energy? Singing, dancing, working out, or riding a motorcycle? Find a healthy way to express yourself and release the energy.
2. Recognize: Recognize the role you play with the feelings that are in the driver seat. We tend to allow the negative feelings to take over. A way to combat the resentment energy is to forgive yourself. Forgiveness isn’t easy to do, but it’s important to forgive yourself for allowing this energy into the driver seat. Yes, I know, other people have caused these feelings but you are held captive to this toxicity when you harbor feelings of anger and resentment. Forgiving yourself allows you the freedom to move forward.
3. Ground: Now I’m going to ask you to take a risk and embrace this idea for just a minute.
Think back to a time when you were truly happy and at peace. Close your eyes, go back to that time and place. Breathe.
Where are you?
Who are you with?
What do you feel?
What do you see?
What do you smell?
What do you taste?
Activate your senses while your mind takes you back to that happy, peaceful time.
At times, this can trigger a happy emotional response. Embrace it.
What does your body look like?
What does your face look like?
What does your heart feel like?
Just absorb that moment of peace and happiness.
Now open your eyes. This exercise will help ground you when you’re feeling out of balance or your resentment energy is trying to take over.
There are so many things out of our control in stepfamily life, but the one thing in your control is YOU. There are so many frustrations, challenges, and strong energies that present themselves, but how you respond to these energies will shape your stepmom journey. Everything you need is already within you.
Be Loving. Be Open. Be Vulnerable. Be Empowered.
AKA Stepmom Warrior
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